Dilemma
I like to think that I'm a good friend. But sometimes I do wonder if that is really the case. For in this regards (and others like it), it doesn't matter what I think - it matters what my friends think: do they think I'm a good friend? That is the real question to be answered.
"A friend in need is a friend, indeed." A famous saying, but do we understand it? For it is not the friend who is "in need", but "us". For it is true that if you have abundance - "wealth" enough to spread around, you will find yourself surrounded by "friends" you didn't even know you had. But when times are tough - when you're "broke" ("in need"), how many of those so-called friends are still around? And that is the meaning of the phrase: when YOU are in need, the friends that stick by you - that are there to help and support you, they are, "indeed", your true friends.
As for me, I try to be there when my friends need help. I listen; I give what I hope is good advice, if they ask (and even sometimes when they don't); I give of my time and money, if I can...
But what happens when your friend needs emotional support, is of the opposite sex, is married but you are not, and someone you care a great deal about? Not that she or I would ever intentionally do anything to jeopardize or interfere with her marriage. But part of the problem is that her children are grown and out of the house (the youngest is just now on her way to college) and her husband, who had been out of work for quite a while, finally has a job, but is on swing shift (the worst shift for a marriage), while she works days, so she's coming home to an empty house and is feeling alone (and dare I say vulnerable - not a good combination, ever). So while I want to check-in on her and make sure she's doing OK, I am afraid because there is always the possibility of unintentionally doing something. If my good intentions of lending moral and/or emotional support were to cause any issues...I would hate myself. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Thus my dilemma. And I'm not sure there are any really good choices for me. Perhaps the best would be to talk with a mutual friend of ours (her best friend). But even then, I don't know...
"A friend in need is a friend, indeed." A famous saying, but do we understand it? For it is not the friend who is "in need", but "us". For it is true that if you have abundance - "wealth" enough to spread around, you will find yourself surrounded by "friends" you didn't even know you had. But when times are tough - when you're "broke" ("in need"), how many of those so-called friends are still around? And that is the meaning of the phrase: when YOU are in need, the friends that stick by you - that are there to help and support you, they are, "indeed", your true friends.
As for me, I try to be there when my friends need help. I listen; I give what I hope is good advice, if they ask (and even sometimes when they don't); I give of my time and money, if I can...
But what happens when your friend needs emotional support, is of the opposite sex, is married but you are not, and someone you care a great deal about? Not that she or I would ever intentionally do anything to jeopardize or interfere with her marriage. But part of the problem is that her children are grown and out of the house (the youngest is just now on her way to college) and her husband, who had been out of work for quite a while, finally has a job, but is on swing shift (the worst shift for a marriage), while she works days, so she's coming home to an empty house and is feeling alone (and dare I say vulnerable - not a good combination, ever). So while I want to check-in on her and make sure she's doing OK, I am afraid because there is always the possibility of unintentionally doing something. If my good intentions of lending moral and/or emotional support were to cause any issues...I would hate myself. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Thus my dilemma. And I'm not sure there are any really good choices for me. Perhaps the best would be to talk with a mutual friend of ours (her best friend). But even then, I don't know...
posted by TubaMeister at
18:23
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